love
–noun
1.     a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.     a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Valentine’s day is upon us, and there’s a lot of talk about Love.  We have so many criteria to evaluate who loves us, who we love and why. We judge by who gives us the most expensive gifts, does what we want them to do, tells us what we want to hear.

We have merged love and expectation together. Therein lies the problem.  Love simply is. It is not a conditional occurrence.  It is not a negotiating tool or tactic to get what we want.  We’ve become conditional in our giving of love. We make unspoken “love” agreements.  We will love, as long as someone does, gives or becomes what we want.  If those conditions are not met, we withdraw or remove ourselves. If we find ourselves tempted to stop loving someone because of a disappointment, then we have to question if it was love at all.

People will disappoint us. It’s guaranteed.  Excluding people from our lives and refusing to love them because of what they do will result in lonely, dysfunctional lives.  Conditional loving is fearful loving. It is a way to control situations and people to avoid pain.  And, it is an illusion.  We cannot build a solid loving relationship by placing conditions on love. “I will love you if…” is not love. It is fear. The irony is that while we want unconditional love, we don’t always give it.

Love is not about gifts or romance. It’s not about people always agreeing with us.  Love is about acceptance. Real love is loving someone even when you’re not getting what you think you want or need from them. Loving to get anything in return is an arrangement.  To give real love we must remove the conditions. Separate the love you have for someone from being pleased or displeased with what they’ve done or left undone. Unconditional love is love that is present even when someone is being unlovable.

So, the challenge this Valentine’s day is to grow from the conditional to the unconditional. Remove the expectations we have of people from the love we have for people. Address the disappointments, just don’t withdraw the love.

Want a dose of inspiration? Visit Love, Staci