Spiritual Bulimia
I’m taking a page out of the Vincent Hunt playbook today and doing a bit of musing about life.
There is an emergence of spiritual, life and philosophical gurus today. We have tons of people offering advice, encouragement and wisdom for the masses. But how deep does the spirituality or wisdom run? There have always been those who have an inspirational message. With Social Media, it seems that there are more of these people talking.
One of the great things about Social Media is the accesibility to an audience and the ability to communicate a message. People can post thoughts, musings, advice, rant, rave and play. There are a lot of thought going around everywhere…from everybody. Thoughts are translated rapidly. My question is, “who’s thoughts are they?” , and how much of what’s being touted by people who are thought leaders, coaches and gurus is actually authentic and real?
I’ve noticed a new trend that I call Spiritual Bulimia. People are eating, and then regurgitating all sorts of inspiration, quotes and advice, but have no real power or evidence of success or change in their own lives. They ingest all the self help and inspirational materials, but they don’t digest it. They are taking it all in, but not actually implementing the behaviors, changing the thoughts and eliminating the patterns to have lives that should be a byproduct of such voracious consumption.
Bulimia:
\bü-ˈlē-mē-ə, byü-, -ˈli-\ Function: noun Etymology: New Latin, from Greek boulimia great hunger, from bou-, augmentative prefix (from bous head of cattle) + limos hunger Date: 14th century 1 : an abnormal and constant craving for food
2 : a serious eating disorder [that occurs chiefly in females], is characterized by compulsive overeating usually followed by self-induced vomiting or laxative or diuretic abuse, and is often accompanied by guilt and depression —called also bulimia nervosa (Merriam-Webster)
Spiritual Bulimia affects women and men; old and young; all professions, economic levels and educational backgrounds. Just as with physical bulimia people with Spiritual Bulimia have what seems to be an insatiable appetite for inspiration and self help. They are hungry for it. They crave it, and so they gorge on quotes, books, other people’s material. But they don’t keep it, use it or implement what they’ve consumed. They spit it back out so that they sound good and look the part, but they are weak and ineffective in their daily lives.
Spiritual Bulimics have a facade. On the surface they look beautiful, and together, in a manner of speaking. They live lives of hidden inadequacy. As with physical bulimia, depression, and guilt accompany Spiritual Bulimia. There is nothing more disheartening than not living up to one’s potential and living vicariously through others. No matter what we say or do, we know when we’re not walking the talk, which results in feelings of guilt, disgrace and shame.
Spiritual Bulimics are not growing. They have lives that are spiritually, emotionally and sometimes even physically unhealthy. There is a surface level of joy and seeming wisdom. But if you watch long enough, it becomes clear that the inspiration, wisdom and knowledge don’t go far beyond that surface. Spiritual Bulimics know what to do, they are just mired in fear and doubt, and don’t do it. They have the knowledge, but they don’t apply it consistently in their own lives. They make excuses. They have victim mentalities. They complain. They are not kind to people. They have poor or no relationships and are unhappy. They talk a good game but if you examine the fruit of their lives, it’s anorexic.
Like any other illness, Spiritual Bulimia can be helped. First, recognizing the problem is key. If you have read every self help book, spiritual text and attended every motivational speaker (or are a life coach or motivational speaker) but you have not made any progress, you may be Spiritually Bulimic. If you can help others to successful relationships, jobs and life changes, but you do not have any of these things in your own life, or follow your own advice, you may be Spiritually Bulimic. If you hate your job, hate the people in your life, have superficial relationships and have not been able to reach any of your goals, cannot get ahead, but can quote inspirational texts and scriptures, you may be Spiritually Bulimic.
The treatment for Spiritual Bulimia is simple. First, thoughts must be changed. Spiritual Bulimics secretly harbor negative self images and feelings of unworthiness. They don’t “feel” beautiful on the inside, so they often focus on the outside. They haven’t pursued goals with abandon, because secretly, they believe that they won’t achieve them. So the first step to solving this illness is changing those thoughts. Affirmations of self worth, scriptures that support how much we are loved can be a help. Next, you have to actually eat, and digest the spiritual and emotional “food”. It’s not enough to read the latest self help book on relationships, how to be successful and how to live the life of your dreams. Actually follow the program. Make the lasting changes necessary to be authentically successful so that you can have a healthy life all-around. Set goals, and do not abandon them. Stop complaining, be thankful. Take a good look at your relationships and be honest about whether or not you show up and are giving of your self. Do spiritual autopsies on every failure in your life. What happened on the job from which you were fired (not laid off)? What happened in the last (or last 10) relationships you’ve had that failed? What was your part in the failure? Is there a common pattern of behavior or thinking that you need to change? Identify those things and make it a goal to eliminate or reduce the self-limiting, self-defeating, self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts that are keeping you from growing and being healthy, happy and successful.
Above all, have courage. You can make any change needed. The first step is always the hardest. Like any illness, recognizing the problem and following the treatment before it’s too far gone will help. Above all, be honest and kind to yourself throughout the healing process. This time next year, you’ll be in a better, more authentically successful and happy place.
This was absolutely one of the most powerful articles/blogs I’ve experienced and I’m very appreciative that you’ve shared it!
Bullseye! Thanks for speaking out about what so many people are experiencing and going through. You have a gift to encourage and inspire – sometimes that message just has to be blunt to get folks’ attention and headed in the right direction. Good news is that there is a treatment and cure for Spiritual Bulimia. Thanks for sharing from the heart.
Excellent post, Staci.
I love inspirational quotes! However, my big bug-a-boo on Twitter (especially) occurs when all I see from a person is quote after quote after quote like they have a reference book at their desk. I actually like to see some “personality” behind all the quotes.
Similarly, I also see “informational” bulimia – where the individual becomes a virtually respository of factoids.
As a reader I sometimes find the endless resource links that people post to be so overhwhelming at times that I simply skip over them instead of read them.
The posts that really get my attention are the ones where the information or application is more personalized.
Good food or thought!
Wow, Staci, you continue to amaze and inspire me with your fearlessness. But beyond that, you’ve put into words a disturbing trend I see both on Facebook and Twitter.
Like all illnesses, the first step is realizing the problem and admitting to it. Good for you for being the catalyst for change!
Julia
One of the qualities of an inspirational leader is to see order in chaos and find the one thing that if embraced, will change all others. Staci, you have “nailed this one on the head.” I posted a tweet after reading your article that said, “Belief in self + Values + Goals + Courage + Action = Live changing. Which of these needs your focus today?” A number of years ago, there was a book by Robert Jean Bryant entitled, “Stop Improving Yourself and Start Living.” The title alone speaks to the necessity of taking action and living life. Thank you for your clarity and for helping others travel the path of real growth and change.
Moved and humbled by this post. See how willing I am to let a step in the right direction masquerade as actual integration.
So true. This is what happens everywhere to almost everyone, and yet very few people recognizes/realizes it.
If a man could apply 25% of all the quotes and wise words that he read/heard, a world would be a much better place to live. Much better!
It does take courage to change. It is not easy to change. But change is the only thing constant, so we must always be ready to change.
And these kind of writings that helps us to follow-through with our commitment to change.
Thank you Staci, you trully are a soul digger and an agent of change!
Thank you for holding up the mirror for many of us to see ourselves. I applaud your courage to walk your truth and challenge the rest of us to do the same. This post rings so true for me. I recently accepted a buyout from my former employer after 14 yrs. It wasn’t until I left that I realized I’d been laying down in my spirit and was actually stagnant, my tree was no longer producing any fruit.
Keep the truth coming – I need it.
Excellent post.
I believe in myself, and don’t put boundaries or limitations on what I do.
When I hear something inspirational, I actually take it to heart and apply it to my life.
It comes down to just doing it. You have to take charge of your life and make the changes you want happen.
Mindset is so key. If you don’t like yourself and are not confident, others will see that to, and act accordingly.
Excellent observation and calling out of this phenomenon. I have found myself (and still sometimes do) of taking it in, but faltering on making the changes.. way too scary. I recently, too, found myself feeling cynical and unsatisfied by the multitude of quotes and affirmations (also blogged abt it) and allowed it to be an opportunity for self-examination, and how much of my talk I really walked.
Thank you for this post.
Hi Staci,
This is great post.
I too have noticed this phenomenon. Nowhere more than Twitter, with annoying self-help people burping out quotes and links to posts. It’s endless belching of quotes that smacks of ‘attention desperado’ by these people that I can’t stand.
The other thing that annoys me is the constant leaving of comments on 5 ‘big name’ self-help blogs by those who are clear wannabes. They leave inane, meaningless comments that are dead giveaways for: please click on my name and visit my blog.
So I’ve been doing a lot of un-following, unsubscribing and simplifying.
I also made a commitment to write about only the things that I’ve done or do, and be brutally honest whether they work or not.
I hope you don’t mind, but your post has inspired one of my own – where I use it as an intro to a miserable self-help failure and then how I got out of it.
Thanks for the post and the observations.
You know you missed spiritual anorexia where in someone refuses to read all the quotes or stops following the mass quoters.
And then there’s spiritual over eating, where one just takes it all in, day after day with out ever retweeting or applying the concepts positively to their life.
Actually there’s a middle ground, like with food, where some is a good and necessary but too much or too little isn’t.
Fabulous essay – Spiritual Bulimia. I plan to link one of my Daily Inspirations to it (http://www.self-esteem-experts.com/daily-inspiration.html)
Thank you for this blog. I realized a lot from this, and can somewhat relate to this..
Excellent observations and a noteworthy essay!
I would add, however, that perhaps it is not a new phenomenon – but rather a pattern of behavior that represents a larger cultural norm. It has been going on for decades but social media has made it more visible.
About ten years ago I interviewed John Bradshaw and we spent a good time discussing this same pattern of behavior as an expression of a consumerist culture. The result being people more interested in the next big thing to fix their lives than actually taking responsibility for them.
I question the harsh judgment and assumptions of those posting quotes on twitter – It reminds me of a one of my favorite quotes.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and observations and providing this context for exchange.
All the best!
i’ve been reading more and more lately of people complaining of inspirational quotes and “quoters” on twitter. i too like when quotes come from a place where one shares themselves…their heart…their life…but at times i have been greatly moved by the timing of something i have read on twitter and it stood all on it’s very own, sent by someone who’s story or reasons for sending were not necessarily clear in it’s delivery.
i figure, who are we to judge really? more of a live and let live stance. read the ones that inspire and let the others slip on by…the only catch being if they are attempting to manipulate others with these words or do harm. this, of course, is never wanted.
just wanted to mention this lest people be scared away from inspiring others with quotes for fear of being preceived this way. i do find inspiration in others sharing…if even just a quote…
Very powerful words Staci. I am glad you are shining light on this subject. Your words cause us to check ourselves and those in our circle. I have engaged several “Coaches” that spew out quote after quote of other people like hooks on a line.
Thanks so much Kolayah! As teachers and coaches we do people a disservice when we don’t walk the talk. We have to take it past “dating” content and commit to living the lives we speak of. Bulimia diminishes us. Only when we ingest and digest truth can there be growth. I appreciate your comments!!
i love to read self-help books on the internet. they can really improve your life.”.’
i think that spiritual life is much more important compared to our earthly life.’`:
spiritual life is really more important than our earthly life;’.
self-help is an interesting topic and i always want to be able to help myself and fix any problems*.”
Thank you for your wonderful post. Extremely informative and I enjoyed reading it along with your other articles. Thank you for sharing and continue the wonderful work.
i love to read those self-help books online, they can really help me alot when dealing with problems,”`
everyone likes to be able to do some Self-Help stuffs, it is a good idea to be able to help yourself with just about any proble**.
i think that we should always strike a balance between spiritual life and our physical life here on earth,,~
there are many different book genres online but i would really love to read about self help books ~-`
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