Failure is nothing more than not getting the desired outcome the first time around. No one who is doing what we dream of doing started out doing it perfectly. They just didn’t quit when “failure” showed up. ~Staci J. Shelton
Failure. The thought of being one, experiencing one strikes terror into the hearts of even the best among us. It keeps us from taking a risk, branching out and pursuing our dreams. Attempting to avoid failure can cause us to die the slow death of “staying with the Devil we know”, instead of taking a chance on experiencing the careesr, relationships and lives we deeply desire.
We teach our children that the B, C, D, and dreaded F, means that we’re inferior or not worthy of moving forward and getting what we want. We’ve carried this philosophy into everything that we do. If we don’t get an “A” the first time around, we’re taught to give up and face the fact that we may not be cut out for or deserving of what we’re going after. This philosophy creates a lifestyle of quitting, abdicating dreams and loss of hope.
The philosophy that failure is evidence of a lack of potential and talent is patently false. Failure isn’t really all that bad. Although not getting what we want isn’t always pleasant, it fuels us, gives us drive and an opportunity to be creative, analytical and innovative. It’s an essential part of the learning process and necessary for true growth and improvement. We embrace and encourage it when our children are very small, but we shift and move away from it when we get older. When children learn to walk or ride a bike, we expect failure. We expect them to fail. We anticipate it and encourage them to get up, learn and start over with the knowledge gained. It’s going back to that fundamental ideology that will help us turn failure around.
Failure is an opportunity for learning, growth, improvement and transformation. The key to transforming failure, is in what we do when we fail.
Here are the steps to help you embrace and transform failure and use it as the path to success.
Step 1: Regroup You failed to get the job, botched the presentation, didn’t make the sale, ended the relationship. The first thing to do is regroup. Let’s be honest, not getting what we want feels awful. Process the feelings, forgive yourself and take a break. Give yourself time to emotinally process what just happened or did not happen. Acknowledge how you feel, what you you didn’t like, and, more importantly, identify how you want things to go next time, Without taking time to regroup, you run the risk of making decisions born out of fear, doubt, anger, panic or a combination of them all. Breathe and remind yourself that no one is a raging success immediately. Trial and error are all part of the journey.
Step 2: Review This is where the work begins. Take a look at everything involving the failed venture. What happened before during and after the process? What worked? Even if you feel that the entire project bombed, when you look back at it, there is always something that worked. What positive feedback did you get? What did you feel good about? What things went extremely well? Note those all of those things. This boosts your confidence and helps you look objectively at part two of the review process, looking at the things that did not go so well. What snags did you encounter? What things didn’t work at all? What things worked but could have worked much better if done differently? Take notes and then, move onto to Step 3.
Step 3: Redesign This is the time and place to make adjustments and improvements. Keep what worked, change what didn’t and redesign your experience. If it’s a relationship, maybe the thing you learned is that you listen well, but that you didn’t devote enough time to the relationship to make it successful. You’ll keep the listening, commit to spending more time with your spouse, child or friend and put it on the calendar. You have reviewed and have a new plan for success. Now you’re ready to put it into action with Step 4.
Step 4: Relaunch You can never be a success if you remain stuck in analysis and let the fact that the first, second, third or fifteenth venture wasn’t a success. Launch your new and improved product or process. You must begin again…and again…and again.
Evolution: Repeat Success is an evolutionary experience. The cliche goes: “Success is not a destination, it’s a journey,” and it’s true. We can always improve, grow and learn. As humans we are learning and tweaking things as we go along. After you regroup, review and redesign, you will create a better experience. You will get feedback during the process and come up with epiphanies and insights. We improve, become successful and proficient and as we do, our desired outcomes (and failures) evolve and change. So, while our failures may look different every time, this process is a proven formula for turning failure into success.
Above all, take it lightly. We all fail. All the time. Not getting what we want offers opportunities to learn and develop. It’s not avoiding failure that create success, it’s what we do with the learning that counts.
